Pope Leo taps Musk to lead Department of Papal Efficiency
Hell-bent on streamlining Catholicism, Pope Leo XIV has recruited the world’s foremost efficiency expert. Elon Musk now heads the Vatican’s new...
Pope Leo taps Musk to lead Department of Papal Efficiency
Hell-bent on streamlining Catholicism, Pope Leo XIV has recruited the world’s foremost efficiency expert. Elon Musk now...
As Elon pulls back, Mini-Musk set to take over DOGE
As Elon Musk slashed and burned his way through the federal government, the little one was watching. Learning. Anxiously awaiting his afternoon cookie. Now,...
As Tesla plummets, Musk’s brain rides to the rescue
With Tesla profits down 71%, Elon Musk is dreaming up radically new promotions to right the ship. At least five hot concepts are ready for launch. Dreamers. A...
DOGE replaces 20,000 park rangers with Tesla robots
Staying on-brand, DOGE has fired 20,000 rangers in the National Park Service. This time it isn't for poor performance—it's for being human. "It's just the Replacement Theory in action," says Elon Musk. "We've replaced employees who squander valuable time eating and...
Musk rides chainsaw fame to sweet spokesman deal
Move over MAGA. Make way for MAMA. "Make America Manly Again" is the ad slogan for a major new campaign from Home Depot featuring a chainsaw-slinging Elon Musk. The agreement will bring Musk to twenty Home Depot locations later this year where he will personally hawk...
Say cheesy: Musk demands Wisconsin voters return his money
“I don’t see why I should have to pay if voters don't do what they're told,” says Musk. The crushing defeat of his chosen candidate in the Wisconsin Supreme Court election has sent Musk off on a Trump-quality day-after rant. “It’s a sad day for democracy and...
Protesters beware! Musk brings new defense systems to Cybertruck
"It stops now!" says Elon Musk, responding to increasing numbers of illegal attacks on Tesla vehicles and showrooms. Beginning May 1st, a series of Cybertruck defense systems will begin rolling out, starting with Cyberbolt — a military-grade flamethrower designed to...
Musk brings pop-up SpaceX store to White House
Tesla was such a big hit at the White House, Elon Musk is back for an encore. Today, SpaceX rockets are for sale, and Musk’s designated pitchman Donald Trump is there to help sell to a crowd of the obscenely rich. “Anyone can drive a Tesla,” says Musk, “but...
X adds new Artificial Misinformation tool
For some people, posting misinformation on X comes naturally. For others, it can be a challenge. Leave it to the champion of free speech, Elon Musk, to make misinformation easier for all of us. Starting today, the X platform unleashes the long-rumored X Artificial...
Musk proposes “space wall” to protect earth from alien migrants
“Stop building the wall on our southern border!” warns Elon Musk. “You're building the wrong wall!” Musk, the world's foremost efficiency advocate, sees huge waste in building a wall to stop a few million migrants when there are potentially BILLIONS of space aliens...
Musk statue headed to White House lawn
Elon Musk is headed to the White House—and he’s never leaving. Taking his bromance with Musk to levels no one has seen before, President Trump has ordered a permanent statue of his love object to be installed smack-dab in the middle of the White House lawn. “I love...
Elon’s son “X Æ A-Xii” legally changes name to “Gary”
What a precocious child! The Musk genes are strong with this one. Barely five years old, young X Æ A-Xii Musk has already come to loathe the burden he suffers bearing the world’s craziest and most annoying name. Fed up with the taunting and snickering of kindergarten...
Returning SpaceX booster “accidentally” lands on Pelosi vacation home
In an apparent coincidence, a returning SpaceX Starship booster has overshot its landing spot by more than 2,500 miles, landing instead on Nancy Pelosi's summer home in Northern California. The Pelosi family was not present, but their home has been declared a total...
Musk launches “Rocket Man” cologne, smells like burnt money and revenge
If you can't become the next Elon Musk, at least you can smell like him. The SpaceX Store is now offering a men's cologne called Rocket Man, designed to capture the essence of Elon. The product was born of a most unlikely process, led by SpaceX Olfactory Sciences...
SpaceX unveils Falcon rocket, MAGA Edition
Elon Musk is preparing to take the MAGA message to new heights—this time adding five million pounds of thrust. At a SpaceX briefing this morning, it was announced that all future launches of the Falcon rocket will be getting a makeover, effectively transforming them...
As Elon pulls back, Mini-Musk set to take over DOGE
As Elon Musk slashed and burned his way through the federal government, the little one was watching. Learning. Anxiously awaiting his afternoon cookie. Now, five-year-old X Æ A-Xii's moment is here—hand-picked by daddy to fill his oversized shoes at DOGE. Holding...
As Tesla plummets, Musk’s brain rides to the rescue
With Tesla profits down 71%, Elon Musk is dreaming up radically new promotions to right the ship. At least five hot concepts are ready for launch. Dreamers. A free lifetime supply of “Proud Beta Tester” bumper stickers for those who still believe a true self-drive...
DOGE replaces 20,000 park rangers with Tesla robots
Staying on-brand, DOGE has fired 20,000 rangers in the National Park Service. This time it isn't for poor performance—it's for being human. "It's just the Replacement Theory in action," says Elon Musk. "We've replaced employees who squander valuable time eating and...
Musk rides chainsaw fame to sweet spokesman deal
Move over MAGA. Make way for MAMA. "Make America Manly Again" is the ad slogan for a major new campaign from Home Depot featuring a chainsaw-slinging Elon Musk. The agreement will bring Musk to twenty Home Depot locations later this year where he will personally hawk...
Say cheesy: Musk demands Wisconsin voters return his money
“I don’t see why I should have to pay if voters don't do what they're told,” says Musk. The crushing defeat of his chosen candidate in the Wisconsin Supreme Court election has sent Musk off on a Trump-quality day-after rant. “It’s a sad day for democracy and...
Protesters beware! Musk brings new defense systems to Cybertruck
"It stops now!" says Elon Musk, responding to increasing numbers of illegal attacks on Tesla vehicles and showrooms. Beginning May 1st, a series of Cybertruck defense systems will begin rolling out, starting with Cyberbolt — a military-grade flamethrower designed to...
Musk brings pop-up SpaceX store to White House
Tesla was such a big hit at the White House, Elon Musk is back for an encore. Today, SpaceX rockets are for sale, and Musk’s designated pitchman Donald Trump is there to help sell to a crowd of the obscenely rich. “Anyone can drive a Tesla,” says Musk, “but...
X adds new Artificial Misinformation tool
For some people, posting misinformation on X comes naturally. For others, it can be a challenge. Leave it to the champion of free speech, Elon Musk, to make misinformation easier for all of us. Starting today, the X platform unleashes the long-rumored X Artificial...
Musk proposes “space wall” to protect earth from alien migrants
“Stop building the wall on our southern border!” warns Elon Musk. “You're building the wrong wall!” Musk, the world's foremost efficiency advocate, sees huge waste in building a wall to stop a few million migrants when there are potentially BILLIONS of space aliens...
Musk statue headed to White House lawn
Elon Musk is headed to the White House—and he’s never leaving. Taking his bromance with Musk to levels no one has seen before, President Trump has ordered a permanent statue of his love object to be installed smack-dab in the middle of the White House lawn. “I love...
Elon’s son “X Æ A-Xii” legally changes name to “Gary”
What a precocious child! The Musk genes are strong with this one. Barely five years old, young X Æ A-Xii Musk has already come to loathe the burden he suffers bearing the world’s craziest and most annoying name. Fed up with the taunting and snickering of kindergarten...
Returning SpaceX booster “accidentally” lands on Pelosi vacation home
In an apparent coincidence, a returning SpaceX Starship booster has overshot its landing spot by more than 2,500 miles, landing instead on Nancy Pelosi's summer home in Northern California. The Pelosi family was not present, but their home has been declared a total...
Musk launches “Rocket Man” cologne, smells like burnt money and revenge
If you can't become the next Elon Musk, at least you can smell like him. The SpaceX Store is now offering a men's cologne called Rocket Man, designed to capture the essence of Elon. The product was born of a most unlikely process, led by SpaceX Olfactory Sciences...
SpaceX unveils Falcon rocket, MAGA Edition
Elon Musk is preparing to take the MAGA message to new heights—this time adding five million pounds of thrust. At a SpaceX briefing this morning, it was announced that all future launches of the Falcon rocket will be getting a makeover, effectively transforming them...