As Elon Musk slashed and burned his way through the federal government, the little one was watching. Learning. Anxiously awaiting his afternoon cookie.
Now, five-year-old X Æ A-Xii’s moment is here—hand-picked by daddy to fill his oversized shoes at DOGE.
Holding hands with his nanny, Mini-Musk was introduced as the new champion of government efficiency at a White House news conference this morning, alongside his father and Uncle Don-Don.
Wearing a “Make DOGE Great Again” baseball cap, the adorable little X wasted no time flexing his Musky muscles by unveiling a barrage of bold initiatives.
• Monetary system. Increasing the value of physical currency by replacing it with chocolate coins.
• Stabilizing allowance. Setting up weekly autopay in bitcoin.
• Revolutionizing bedtime. Replacing traditional bedtime stories with fabulous tales of executive actions.
• Building trust. Encouraging kids to shun mainstream news and follow imaginary friends on social media.
• Babysitter upgrades. Firing those who fail to respond to an email requesting five things they did this week to satisfy the young ones’ sweet tooth.
• Streamlining English. Banning silent letters, words longer than three syllables and confusing diphthongs to keep young people engaged.
• College savings. Instituting a new “finders keepers” policy, allowing children to retain possession of whatever valuable things they can get their fingers on.
• Eliminating corruption. Sniffing out fraud using scary stuffed animals.
• Reducing the workforce. Using daily games of musical chairs to cut workers instead of wasting time evaluating their work.
Addressing his million+ followers, young X jump-started his administration with a single post: “Powr 2 yung genrashin les taks an morr fun 4 awl !!!”
