With Tesla profits down 71%, Elon Musk is dreaming up radically new promotions to right the ship. At least five hot concepts are ready for launch.
Dreamers. A free lifetime supply of “Proud Beta Tester” bumper stickers for those who still believe a true self-drive capability is in the works.
Martian Madness. A $60,000 upgrade to make cars Mars-ready with airtight passenger compartment, concealed oxygen tanks and interplanetary communications capabilities.
Show Your Colors. A “right-wing” option to have one passenger-side door/wing painted red, or the Tesla hood logo flipped.
Anti-Woke Navigation. Safely guides the driver around landmarks and places of business known to support DEI.
Blue Checkmark. Brings the X-verified identity feature to the Tesla touch-screen—showing the world that you’re willing to pay for anything.
“It’s time to Make Tesla Palatable Again,” posted Musk on X. “I will personally be involved in creating and implementing the new promos.”
Good plan. But one hour after posting, yet another wave of angry protesters appeared—all wearing their Tesla employee badges.
