“It stops now!” says Elon Musk, responding to increasing numbers of illegal attacks on Tesla vehicles and showrooms.
Beginning May 1st, a series of Cybertruck defense systems will begin rolling out, starting with Cyberbolt — a military-grade flamethrower designed to punish enemies, real or imagined.
“These criminals have a mental illness,” said Musk, “and the only way to fight mental illness is with lethal mental illness.”
Mindful of federal regulations restricting civilian ownership of flamethrowers, Tesla marketing describes Cyberbolt as a “warning device.” It delivers a fiery 1,500-degree-Celsius warning thirty feet forward, backward or to either side.
Industry reactions have been largely positive. Macho Motors Weekly praises “Musk’s ability to turn powerful teenage fantasies into reality.”
“We’re doing our part to keep patriotic Americans safe,” said Musk. “We’ll soon be adding Cybergrenade and Cyberlaser to the mix.”
Buyers must be 18 or older.
